Fuck the weight room. You've always fancied yourself half mermaid. You head to the pool.

 

The chlorine hits you like a bullet. Your eyes water. But when they clear, you see a single swimmer in the center lane of the pool. You approach the edge. Strangely, it's Olympic champion Ian Thorpe. As he approaches, he slows and stares, strange-eyed into your face.

 

"Ian?" Your voice is incredulous. "Is that...you?"

 

It was. As he backstrokes into the wall, he catches your eye. He hauls himself out of the water and pulls a strange vessel from his speedo—the Holy Grail. You've done it.